From R.K Narayan’s “The Writer’s Nightmare”
(This article was written in 1959)
The stock of the bridegroom is rising again. He is again displaying bullish tendencies. It must be a heartening situation for the speculator who has been nursing the tock for a little over two decades. I heard an optimistic father declare that next to investment in housing, whose value can never go below a certain level, the most secure gilt-edge is a son who is unmarried. All that is advantageous, in the case of a father with a son naturally turns out to be otherwise for one with a daughter. It may be a putdown as safe axiom that the satisfaction felt by the father of a girl is in inverse ratio to that felt by the one with a son. It is naturally so considering that one is a seller and the other is a buyer and matrimony today remains as a seller’s market. The father of a girl always prays that matrimony should cease to be any sort of market, and that should be in a position to say, “My daughter is a priceless possession I have had with me for sixteen years now. I don’t know how I am going to be without her. She is invaluable as far as I am concerned and even if you pay me a price of ten lakhs, I would still feel unhappy to part with her, and so I am not selling her; I shall give her away provided you satisfy these two conditions. I must have a confidential report from one of the daughter-in-law of your house, on the outlook and conduct of elders at home, and I want a psychologist to examine your son and give him a certificate of soundness”
The reality is of course otherwise. The parent, who has groomed a son properly, so that he sweeps the honors, in all examinations and has been selected for an administrative career, is actually dictator of prices today. This market was temporarily dull, or nervous, owing to various political causes, when the Indian republic was established, and there was some uncertainty in the services, when the system of recruitment and prospects were undefined. Old values were falling and new ones had not risen. In that brief period trading was cautious. It was an interim period when one heard a bridegroom’s bargain agent declare “Dowry! Never. We don’t want anything. We care only for a good alliance, all else is secondary. We don’t want any dowry, but since you are pressing it on us, it is enough if you give us something to meet our actual expenses.” This ‘something’ might mean anything from eight thousand to twelve thousand rupees, most of it supposed to be utilized for defraying the expenses of travel of the large army of relatives and friends accompanying the bridegroom. The bad word ‘Varadakshanai’ was avoided; instead it was called expenses. But now it is a sign of returning confidence that the word is coming into vogue once again. One might note a new directness in demands. The demands today for an eligible bridegroom are beyond the wildest expectations of a former generation. Says the bargain master of the prospective prize boy. “I want a cash dowry of forty-five thousand rupees and a motor car.” This is a new trend in bargains, the addition of vehicles to the cash dowry. If the girl’s father thinks that he can palm off a second hand 8 H.P to 10 H.P **, he will told presently, “My son has to maintain his status, you know, and he must have a car big enough at least to seat six at a time; and you know he is a very sensitive boy, he is very keen on these things; he has an aversion to driving any car manufactured earlier then 1953.” Some may throw along with their other demands a refrigerator or a radiogram, as an afterthought, explaining, “you know my boy likes ice cream,” or “you know he is a great music lover.” The poor man, the would-be father-in-law of the boy, is too timid to ask, if the young man was fond of ices or music, why he should have waited so long, to provide himself with these amenities; but he cannot speak out since, to repeat the position, he is in a sellers’ market. It almost looks as though the inspiration for these demands is derived from the advertisements of crossword competitions, which sometimes make special seasonal offers of a phenomenal cash prize plus a car plus a refrigerator plus various other inducements. The poor man sadly reflects whether he should hold out so many inducements along with his daughter in order to make her acceptable. This limit was reached, I think recently in a case where, following the announcement of the competitive examination results, the hopeful father of a daughter knocked on the door of a successful candidate, whose father opened, the door and asked not whether the girl was good looking or accomplished, but whether the man was prepared to buy An ‘A’ type house in Gandhinagar for himself and his wife, in addition to the other items, he mentioned later.
I don’t think there is any effective way of abolishing dowry, the victim himself being often an abettor. If it is made illegal, a black market is likely to evolve from the repression. I often think a sales tax, may be levied on the transactions involving a bridegroom, but this may again be shifted on an already overburdened father of a girl. So it is just as well that we recognize the institution and work out a table of payments and presents which will provide at glance what liabilities a would-be ‘sambandhi’ is likely to incur. First Class in competitive examinations: Rs 45,000 plus a 20H.P motor car, (Model not earlier than October 1953) Engineering graduate: Rs 15,000, Jeep, plus a miniature locomotive in solid gold. M.Sc. (Nuclear physics): Rs 15,000 plus five acres of land containing thorium, lignite etc. Pilot with ‘A’ certificate Cash plus a helicopter for private use. Third Class B.A Without any property, Rs 5,000 plus a bicycle or an auto rickshaw (if he chooses to make a living out of it) Marriages are of course made in heaven, but they are a business in our part of the universe, and why not run it on efficient lines?
